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Conservative Political Commentary

Quote of the Day

Lady Liberty

Give me your tired, your poor,
Your huddled masses yearning to breathe free,
The wretched refuse of your teeming shore.
Send these, the homeless, tempest-tossed, to me
I lift my lamp beside the golden door.


Thursday, September 30, 2004

"But, seriously, folks, I just flew in from D.C. and, boy, am I tired. I mean, my arms are tired. From flying."
posted by Tom

From the AP:

DULUTH, Minn. - Something about Sen. John Kerry's darker appearance has caught Lynne Cheney's eye. During a campaign stop with her husband, a group of volunteers moved into the crowd with microphones for the question-and-answer period. Vice President Dick Cheney told supporters to look for the people with dark orange shirts. When Cheney paused as if searching for the words to describe the shade of orange, Lynne Cheney said, "How about John Kerry's suntan?" The remark drew a big laugh from the crowd and the vice president.

Responding to her comments, Kerry campaign spokesman Bill Burton said, "Is Mrs. Cheney jealous considering how hard it is to get sun in the undisclosed location with her husband Dick? Or is she distracted over how red-in-the-face George Bush should be considering his failed presidency?"

(Laughter. Applause.)

Thanks.

(Applause)

Hey, thank you. No, really. What a room! What a crowd! That's right, my name is Bill Burton. No relation to Richard.

(Laughter)

Or Dan ...

(Laughter)

Or Halli ...

(Laughter. Applause.)

No, hey... Thanks... No, really ... It's great to be here at the annual NARAL Pro-Choice convention.

(Applause)

That's right, formerly The National Abortion and Reproductive Rights Action League. But what's in a name?

(Laughter)

I'm a spokesman for the Kerry Campaign ...

(Applause)

The campaign's entering its second trimester ...

(Laughter)

But we're going to try to abort the Bush presidency....

(Laughter. Applause.)

But seriously... As I said, I'm a spokesman for the Kerry campaign ...

(Applause)

That's right. Isn't he a great guy?

(Applause)

And he's a nice guy, too. A warm guy. You can tell by his color he must be at least 120 degrees Fahrenheit ...

(Laughter. Applause.)

Seriously, though, we kid him a lot about his tan, but we all know it's part of his plan to become the second Black president...

(Laughter. Applause.)

He's a great guy. He's a funny guy, too. Just the other day I said to him, "John?" And he said, "Who, me or Edwards?"

(Laughter)

He can be a real cut up that way. But, seriously, it's really confusing having two Johns on the campaign. Especially when we get phone calls for them at headquarters. (Mimics holding a phone to his ear). "Hello, Kerry campaign headquarters, hope is on the way." (Sighs and rolls his eyes.) 'Which one?"

(Laughter. Applause.)

I'm telling you, after a couple hours answering the phone there you feel like Al Gore during his first debate with Bush.

(Laughter. Applause.)

Funny thing, though, when we're on the campaign bus, there aren't enough johns.

(Silence)

You know ... johns ...

(Silence)

Bathrooms. It's a pun ...

(Sounds of "Oohs", "Ahs", then laughter.)

Whoa, tough crowd. If I wanted an illiterate audience, I'd perform at a Teamsters rally ...

(Laughter. Applause.)

But, seriously ...

(Laughter)

No, really, we love the Teamsters. Who else can we get to assault anti-Kerry protesters on the campaign trail?

(Laughter. Applause.)

We tried using ACT-UP members once, but all they did was give the protesters makeover tips ...

(Laughter. Applause.)

No, thank you ...

(Applause)

No, really ... What a room! What a crowd!

posted by Tom | 9/30/2004 06:27:00 AM
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