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Quote of the Day

Lady Liberty

Give me your tired, your poor,
Your huddled masses yearning to breathe free,
The wretched refuse of your teeming shore.
Send these, the homeless, tempest-tossed, to me
I lift my lamp beside the golden door.


Wednesday, September 29, 2004

Has-beens who need has-beens are the luckiest has-beens in the world...
posted by Tom

Barbra Streisand's secretary, hair-stylist and masseuse has scripted another liberal diatribe in the boss's name, Where is our Free Press? Babs laments the heat Dan Rather is feeling as a result of his fraudulent Bush smear on 60 Minutes II and sees the conservative attack on him as representative of the Bush administration's successful intimidation of the media.

Although "the documents CBS presented could not be confirmed for their authenticity," she informs us through her royal scribe, the "details of Bush's military record have been out for public consumption for years."

Which set me off on one of my reveries:

Barbra Streisand's reputation as a demanding megalomaniac has been known to the public for years. Even fellow brain dead liberal Kris Kristofferson (a Viet Nam veteran, by the way, which tells us something about that status automatically qualifying one for the presidency) said that working with her on the schlock remake of A Star is Born was an experience "worse than boot camp."

Of course, all of the complaints about her domineering, abrasive personality are hearsay. If one were to ask Babs herself, she would whine that everyone who would like nothing better than to see her devoured by wild animals (that were no doubt more than half-mad from starvation before touching her carcass) are chauvinists, misogynists, blah effing blah.

So...

"Next on Entertainment Tonight, startling new evidence that the Barbra Steisand you've heard about is Mother Teresa compared to what an intimate source knows first-hand! Memos to underlings, letters to friends AND secret diary entries in the diva's own hand make for an explosive expose of the very unfunny Funny Girl."
And so on and so forth.

During the advertised ET segment, our reporter and his/her source reveal the damning correspondence and diary pages:

"Fire that little snot, (redacted). I don't care if she is eight months pregnant. I specifically told her I wanted Industrial Strength Kleenex in my bathroom." (Memo to personal manager, 1987)

"Jim's such an asshole. He really thinks I watched Marcus Welby, MD back in the 70s and secretly lusted for him all those years." (Diary entry, 2003)

"Bill's dick is not crooked, contrary to what that slut Paula Jones has said. And whatever made her think he wanted someone with a honker like hers to 'kiss it' is anybody's guess." (Letter to a friend, 1996)

"Yes, I'm depressed that the only people who buy the shit I sing are suicidal females and drag queens, but I've got bills to pay. We spent Jim's last Aamco check months ago." (Letter to Liza Minelli, 2000)

“I don’t care what the prognosis is. No free autographed pictures. EVER! That’s why God gave her two breasts…” (Memo to secretary, 2001)
And so on and so forth.

Almost immediately, left wing bloggers from coast to coast decry the documents as obvious forgeries:

"For one thing," writes a Moveon.org operative, "Industrial Strength Kleenex wasn't even on the market in 1987. And then there's all the correctly spelled words like 'specifically' and 'prognosis'. It's patently obvious Barbra didn't write these."
And so on and so forth.

George Soros offers $1,000,000 for the head of the ET reporter who participated in the "fraud". The New York Times editorial page condemns all fradulent reporting not committed by African-Americans. In protest, Maureen Dowd refuses to complete the next three assignments due in her on-line journalism course. Gay men stage a demonstration in Washington, DC in an effort to get Congress to fine not only the stations that broadcast the phoney story, but everyone in the country who watched it. (For some strange reason, the demonstrators huddle around the Washington Monument instead of march on the capitol building.) James Brolin tells an interviewer, "If I knew I wouldn't get laughed at, I'd threaten to beat up whoever it was who forged those documents."

Streisand sues. The center cannot hold. Things fall apart.

I can dream, can't I?

posted by Tom | 9/29/2004 07:57:00 AM
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