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Conservative Political Commentary

Quote of the Day

Lady Liberty

Give me your tired, your poor,
Your huddled masses yearning to breathe free,
The wretched refuse of your teeming shore.
Send these, the homeless, tempest-tossed, to me
I lift my lamp beside the golden door.

Friday, October 29, 2004

You Heard it Here First
posted by lostingotham

At the beginning of the 1981 NFL season, I made the inspired prediction that the San Francisco Forty-niners and the Cincinatti Bengals would play in the Superbowl. Alas, I failed to put even a single dollar down on my picks (who had both gone 6-10 the previous year), and nobody, and I do mean nobody, believes me now when I recount my amazing prescience.

To think: had I documented my picks I could be making a comfortable living even now pounding out Jeanne Dixon-esque predictions of rising ocean levels and world-wide plagues for the National Enquirer. I'll never miss that chance again. So, prepare yourself, folks, for Lostingotham's clairvoyant vision of the 2004 election:

Prediction # 1
George W. Bush will carry every single state he carried in 2000. Yes, that means Florida and that means New Hampshire. It also means Kerry will lose.

Prediction # 2
Bush will carry Pennsylvania by enough of a margin that the networks will call it by 11pm Eastern time. That will be the official signal for the barking moonbats to start whining about stolen elections.

Prediction # 3
Bush will carry both Iowa and Wisconsin.

Prediction #4
Bush will carry at least one of Michigan, Minnesota and New Jersey. I'm feeling very good psychic vibes for both the Garden State and the K-Car State.

Prediction #5
Bush will carry New Mexico by a hair.

Prediction #6
Bush will carry Hawaii

Prediction #7
Tom Daschle will be making Viagra ads when the Senate convenes next Spring.

Adeimantus's electoral tie scenarios are fascinating, but you won't need 'em this year. And on Wednesday when everyone at the water cooler is scratching their heads saying "whooda thunkit?" Remember: you heard it here first.

p.s. if anyone knows an editor of the National Enquirer, I'm available to predict floods, droughts, and other weather catastropes on a per diem basis. I also do birthday parties, bar-mitzvahs and corporate events.

posted by lostingotham | 10/29/2004 11:56:00 PM
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Anonymous Anonymous said...

Dude, we are so far past the k-car. That's a shameful episode in Michigan history...

1:44 PM, October 30, 2004  
Blogger Cigarette Smoking Man from the X-Files said...

After the K Car, Madonna, Eminem, and Michael Moore, Michigan does indeed have some 'splainin' to do.

Then again I'm one to talk. My state of Minnesota produced "The Ripoff Artist, Formerly Known as a Musician!"

It is almost exactly 49/49 here in MN, although if you tally up car bumper stickers and lawn signs you'd think it'll be Bush by a landslide. Ever since Paul Wellstone bit it, the Socialists here have been lost in a fog.

7:07 PM, October 31, 2004  
Blogger Paul said...

I'm going to make a prediction which will really make you sit up: Bush is going to win Massachusetts. I've lived in the Boston area for 25 years and nobody likes J(ust) F(or) K(erry), his local nickname. The Irish pols hate him. They love Teddy, he brings home the bacon. Kerry, nothing, he's never given them the time of day. Cambridge, Brookline(home to J Michael Dukakis), and Newton will go for him, nowhere else. I bet people a dollar on this and get no takers.

9:55 PM, October 31, 2004  

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